What a Difference Nine Years Make!

It's all beginning to feel more real... the day after tomorrow, on Saturday morning, I will drive away from the life I have lived in Tucson for the past 9+ years.

I have felt compelled to stay completely invested here until the very end. The temptation to hide and just deal with the logistics of everything has been great; I must say I am so glad to have not given into that temptation. There have been such sweet and meaningful times with people I would not have wanted to miss -- coffees, breakfasts, lunches, dinners. It's not the food and drink ingested that will stay with me, of course...it's the love poured out and received, one to another...the tears, laughter, facial expressions and hugs that said it all.

I leave Tucson a very different woman from when I arrived here at the end of 2001. I know I'm loved, more than I have ever known this...loved by God and by humans. I have the best women friends I've ever had in my life, some of whom I "left behind" in CA and to whom I now return. Those friendships have blossomed and deepened even while I've been here, which tells me they are going to be lifelong relationships; I don't think I really knew that when I came to AZ, but it is such a blessing to know it as I move back to CA. The "new" friendships I have made here are solid and healthy, and some will also be lifelong (and some of them are no longer based in AZ! Ohio? Oregon? Who knew?!). Distance can't take away that kind of deep connection. Even as length of time stretches between phone calls and visits, it will be wonderful to be able to jump back in, right where we left off. I leave with no doubts about these friendships. This has been such a work of God, to heal the wounds from the past and to feel so comfortable around women, to really love them without reserve or clinginess...and to *trust* the love and friendship they bring to me. Those who've known me a long time will understand how huge this is for my soul. All that to say, "Hallelujah!"

I come back to CA having been a Worship Pastor, something I could only imagine 9 years ago. (And it had been a long 9-year wait before that!) I do not know if I will ever lead another worship ministry, but it was a joy and a privilege to have done so at Vineyard City Church. I loved my team; each person who served, for whatever length of time, brought something valuable to the ministry. I have so many wonderful memories...such good camaraderie among all the teams. I leave immensely grateful that we never had any "wars" -- our sound team, video team and band operated as one team, and we all loved and cared for each other. I'm sure much of that was sustained by the prayers of our faithful prayer team who we also loved!! I leave knowing the worship ministry is moving forward beautifully, and I'm excited to see what is going to unfold as the years go by. I was blessed and honored to co-lead worship this past Sunday. As I looked out at the congregation, I saw so many new faces, many familiar ones, too...and missed the ones who were no longer there. Mostly, as always, I loved hearing voices lifted and seeing hands raised in worship to our Lord. There isn't much else in life that brings me such pure joy -- singing and making music with others, all as an offering to God, and seeing others engage with our Lord in worship...can't get much better than that.

I leave AZ as an "empty nester" with my boys now young men of 23 and 20, with lives of their own. My concerns for them, as their mother, are different from when we moved here (when they were 14 and 11!) but the love is only deeper. I'm excited to see where their individual journeys take them.

I leave this big house that I have loved so much but I'm glad to be downsizing; less to tidy, less to deal with, less "stuff"...less will ultimately be more, especially with a puppy around. (Yeah, he turned a year old a couple of weeks ago, but Dweezil is still very much a puppy.) This has been a great house for gatherings...baptisms in our pool, yearly Oscar parties, weekly home group for 4 years, so many prayer times with beloved friends, worship band practice the first couple of years here, lots of wonderful dinners around the table, Thanksgivings and Christmases, and rolling out Pepparkakor dough on my big kitchen island. (Oh, I will miss that!) I hear the echoes of my boys bickering, and also giggling together. We have wept and rejoiced in this house, as a family, and with our extended family...and with our family of God, and I am so grateful for the time spent living and loving in its walls.

Last but certainly not least, I leave with the man I came with, which was nearly unthinkable a year ago. "Dance with the one who brung you," the old saying goes. I am delighted and grateful to be sharing this new chapter with Glenn.

All of the above makes me think of that old Steven Curtis Chapman song:

We'll travel over mountains so high

We'll go through valleys below
Still through it all we'll find that
This is the greatest journey

The human heart will ever see

The love of God will take us far

Beyond our wildest dreams

Saddle up your horses we've got a trail to blaze
Through the wild blue yonder of God's amazing grace
Let's follow our Leader into the glorious unknown
This is a life like no other - this is the great adventure...

(bridge and chorus from "The Great Adventure")

Happy trails, everyone.