"...I am not enough, and I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy....
"...We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought--that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside...."
Those words from Captivating pretty much say what my heart has been wrestling with for awhile...maybe all of my adult life. (Even as a young girl, did anyone want to know the real me? Not the straight-A student, not the piano player, not the "good girl"...but ME? *sigh*)
But there is One who sees, who seeks, who loves, who pursues, who knows, who is larger than my mess. No pain is too great that He can't heal. No darkness too thick that His light can't dispel. No longing too deep that He can't fill.
When I draw close to Jesus, I am no longer not enough or too much; I just *am*. I only need to stay there...to "be still and know."
That who I am -- with all of my deepness and mess and questions and faith and ugliness and beauty...all of my paradoxes...all of the "magic that is me" -- can BE with the "Great I AM" is the miracle of the cross. "I am my Beloved's and my Beloved is mine." (Song of Solomon 6:3) Through Christ I can come into God's presence and be both captivated and captivating.
What a priceless, undeserved gift.
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