So Much to Say...

...and no time to say it; doesn't make for a very interesting blog.

And much of what I want to say I can't really share with the entire universe. So I hold it close and ponder it all in my heart, à la Mary after she heard the news about her baby from the angel Gabriel.

Of course, what has gone on in my life will in no way impact the planet like Mary's life did...but my life (and that of those closest to me) has changed dramatically over this past year. I will never be the same. My family will never be the same. I believe this is a good thing, and I am trusting it will be an even better thing in the long run. We'll look back and stand in awe of the miracles God has done in our hearts and in our relationships.

For now, I feel I am entering a crucible; the heat is on, and it's going to take time for the dross to rise to the surface so it can be skimmed off, leaving a refined and purified heart, shining like gold for the Lord. That's certainly my prayer, anyway. (Not the time part...but the end result!)

I know it's not going to be easy. I have recently become aware of some large blind spots in my life...aware of how unaware I have been. I have always thought of myself as a very self-aware person...apparently not! This in and of itself has been incredibly humbling...to realize there are things about myself and how I relate to others to which I have been completely oblivious. Lord, have mercy on me, sinner that I am. I have asked Him daily to have His way and to break me and He is answering that prayer!!

So I enter the crucible with a bit of a limp, having no idea what lies ahead and knowing even more than before that I know very little.

Not a bad place to be, actually.