(warning....f-bomb at the end)
My husband lost a very good friend this week. He was my friend, too, though Glenn knew Steve far longer than I did...since they were in high school.
I have some very fond memories of Steve; the ones I think of the most are from almost 10 years ago when he helped me plan Glenn's 40th birthday party. We had so much fun "scheming" various ideas and he was my cheerleader, rejoicing with each new thing I was able to plan. Bit by bit things came together, the party was a smashing success -- a romp through Medieval/Renaissance days, one of the highlights being "If Dr. Suess wrote Hamlet" -- and I owe much of that to Steve. I was so glad he was able to come share that day with us, and to celebrate Glenn, and their life-long friendship.
Now Steve is gone, and we are grieving. Glenn posted some wonderful pictures of Steve and expressed some of his grief on his Facebook page; I have been so blessed by the outpouring of love that has been shown to Glenn. Most people are compassionate and understand that grieving is good, and an important part of the circle of life.
And yet... *heavy sigh*
...someone had the audacity to tell me we shouldn't grieve, because Steve lived a life that led to his death. Instead, we should be "happy" because Steve got what he wanted and that instead of grieving, we should work to ensure that other people don't make the same choices. My stomach is still turning. Is this how Jesus would come alongside someone who lost a friend? I THINK NOT.
I am beyond angry; I am furious. Our grief is because we loved Steve, because he was a good friend, because he meant something to us. That he made life choices we might not agree with does not remove our love nor our grief. (Perhaps it even increases our grief!) To imply that someone isn't worth grieving because they weren't following Jesus just makes me sick.
Last I checked, we are to mourn with those who mourn...to weep with those who weep. If you can't do that, then please keep your f***ing Pharisaical thoughts to yourself.
Hi Nina,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I'm so very sorry for your loss. You and Glen now have a rest-of-your-life-long empty spot which can never be filled.
Second, the pain of loss you and Glen are feeling is very difficult to articulate to oneself, let alone describe to someone else. I'm very sorry that others have been so insensitive, albeit well-meaning. That their intentions were good simply reinforces the old phrase, since their comments and advice walk you down a hellish road of salted wounds. After my father died somewhat unexpectedly, I experienced something similar and blogged about it here: http://canopenerboy.blogspot.com/2007/09/anger-depression.html
I hope and pray you & Glen feel The Master's touch and voice now and as you continue to grieve, for as long as you grieve. His love is never condescending, never immature, always rightly-timed, and always compassionate.
In Him I wish you peace
Oh Nina! That so totally sucks! I agree... you have a lot to grieve and his choices probably add to that grief. I know that God wants to support and bless you through this valley.
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
Kk.
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ReplyDeleteYou ( and Glenn ) have every right to feel crushed by the insensitivity of the words heaped upon you from someone who obviously does not know how to love as Jesus loved.
ReplyDeleteI'd say that whoever is so judgmental has much further to "go" in coming into the Kingdom Christ established here - the one where we love unconditionally and learn and stumble and give of ourselves with abandon. We all make choices. If any of us are to be judged in regards to them - then let Jesus be in charge as He and He alone knows the heart of each of us.
Such audacity as shown in this comment to you is not life - it is not even love. You, Glenn and others who loved Steve have lost a beautiful soul. The person who made the judgmental comment is just plain "lost". I pray they let our real Jesus find them and help them discern the choices they have made in being so compassionless.