Love the Skin You're In

Have you ever wished you could jump inside another person's skin, to be able to see with their eyes, hear with their ears, have their memories and then finally understand why they think what they think, feel what they feel and do what they do?

Have you also wished someone could jump inside your own skin for a few minutes so that you would know, at least for awhile, that you were finally understood?

These things are yet another part of "the magic that is me" -- the longing to be known and understood...and the longing to know and understand others...far beyond the surface of what is presented.

A good friend once wrote,"Our skin hides the truth." We can never know what's really going on inside of someone. An action that might mean something to you might mean something completely different to someone else. It's so easy to look at another's life and wrap it all up in a neat box of our own interpretation. We have it all decided, don't we? And then we treat that person accordingly, without a moment's thought that perhaps our interpretation of things might be DEAD WRONG.

One of my biggest pet peeves in life is when someone takes a little information they might have about me, interpolates it their own way and then presents it to me as truth. As if they know me. As if they get what's going on inside me. As if they have figured out all of my heart's motivations. Usually they are way off base. Trying to connect the dots of someone's life without asking what's going on inside is usually a recipe for disaster, or at least a lot of untruth. (Believe me, I've had more than my share of this over the past year.)

And in those moments, I'd love to have a skin exchange, where I could jump behind their eyes to see what they see, and they could jump behind mine to see what I see. Then maybe things would be different.

But this can't literally happen. So depending on the situation and my frame of mind (and/or hormonal state), I might say very little and go on my way, trying not to carry the judgment with me or at least not allow it to seep into my soul. Or I might take a chance and try to use this finite language of ours to explain the infinite complexities of the mind, heart, and soul...to try to express what's really going inside, at the risk of making things worse by compounding the misunderstandings. See, when I say something, there are actually 3 things being said -- 1) what I really said, 2) what I think I said, and 3) what they think I said. No wonder we have wars and conflicts and relational blow-outs. It's a miracle any 2 people can have any kind of understanding at all.

But is it worth trying? I believe so... at least with a few people you trust; those who would love nothing more than to have a skin exchange, but can't, so they will hang in there with the words until what they think you said and what you think you said meet in that magical moment of YES, that's what you really said! And when it's *really* good, there might come an even more magical moment of recognition when they say, "Me, too!" (I believe this is how friendships are born..a weaving of those "'me too' moments.") And I highly recommend doing this with voice and NOT over email. *shudder* (Talk about a recipe for misinterpretation!)

I guess my point in all of this is to ask humanity -- and let it begin with me! -- to not be so quick to decide we have someone else all figured out. To not draw conclusions based on a few dots we have connected, when in fact we have probably missed some of the major dots which help create the true picture. Coming alongside someone and asking what's going on rather than telling someone what's going on goes a long way to building bridges of compassion and understanding.

In the meantime, I'm going to keep trying to love the skin I'm in (with or without Olay, thank you very much) and work harder to understand what's going on beneath me (the inward journey!) before I start trying to get inside anyone else's skin, or expect them to try to get into mine.

But I can't deny the longing is still there.