Face to Face with Myself

In my last entry, I mentioned a time when I was writing songs, doing local concerts (coffeehouses, mostly), making demo tapes and thinking about pursuing a career in the music biz. That was 30 years ago and for the most part was a distant memory.

Until tonight.

I was going through my music books, deciding what to sell and what to keep, when I opened up my piano bench for the first time in years and came face-to-face with my 19-year-old self. What I unearthed made me weep -- pages and pages of songs I'd written in college, the lyrics typed on a *typewriter* no less, and with no chords. (I even found a few pieces of paper and a notebook with handwritten lyrics.) Ah, the arrogance of youth, assuming I'd remember how to play them forever. But maybe the young Nina was right; as I read through the lyrics, most of the melodies came flooding back, and since I only knew a handful of chords back then (now it's maybe 2-3 handfuls), I could probably figure them out if I had any time to do so.

Geez, I was prolific. Note I didn't say "good." But at least I was writing...A LOT. And a few of the songs are actually decent. I exercised that muscle once this past year, and it felt really good to write again...to wrestle with words so that they made sense lyrically and melodically. I love the process. It had been five years. And before that, five more years. Life just kept getting in the way.

I remember about 16ish years ago, a singer-songwriter-musician friend of mine prayed over me, blessing the songwriter God had made me to be. Somehow I lost touch with that part of myself; but Tom's words were ringing in my ears tonight -- God has made me a songwriter. The gift/talent/skill has been lying dormant. I'm glad it bubbled up a few months ago. I pray it bubbles up again soon, and continues to flow for the rest of my life.

Even if my songs never go anywhere except to God's ears, that will be enough. I just need to write.