From Friday Comes Sunday

It's taken me awhile to face the blank screen, to try to put into words what last week meant to me, and what the past 40+ days imparted to my soul. I'm not sure I have the words, certainly not ones to do any of it any justice.

I can only say that this year's Good Friday was the "best" Good Friday ever...so rich with remembrance, and sharing it all with one of my sons made it all the more meaningful -- serving Communion to each other, breaking the matzo and hearing the "snap" pierce the air and our hearts, knowing that our sins pierced His heart so long ago. Hammering those sins onto a cross (and watching them burn the next night)...and then holding each other close while watching "The Passion of the Christ"...weeping together as we watched Mary pour her love out to her son in his final moments while she remembered playing with him as a young boy...Caleb whispering to me, "I always remember He had a mother, but forget He also had a Mama" as I clung to my now-man of a son, as both his mother and his Mama always.

Plumbing the depths of Good Friday only makes the joys of Easter more glorious, more rich, more majestic. We ushered in the day at midnight, holding candles and listening to Mahler's 2nd Symphony ("Resurrection") at a volume so loud I could practically feel the power of the Spirit rolling that stone away from the tomb all those years ago. Absolutely enthralling. Morning came quickly and we praised at the top of our lungs (with me banging at the piano in the dreaded key of E...ugh) and listened to a most beautiful sermon on brokenness and how we always have a choice --  to either walk down the pathway of despair (à la Judas) or humility (à la Peter). De-spair...without the Spirit...may it never be.

Then during lunch I had the wonderful experience of receiving someone's risk of vulnerability and what I thought was to be a quick meal turned into a lengthy and lovely and deep conversation, and I was changed for the good in hearing this person's story of loss, pain, and redemption.

We all have an Easter story to tell...things in our lives that need to be killed in order to rise again. God breathes life into lost dreams, restores broken relationships, brings new friends to us when old ones pass away or move on. He brings healing to our wounds, applying the warm oil of His comfort to the scars that often burn or itch along the way. He brings beauty out of ashes, praise out of mourning, good out of evil, light out of darkness, life out of death.

I pray I remember this down the road when the fire of last week's experiences  dwindles to faint embers:

Out of Good Friday always comes Easter.

Wrestling

Two years ago, on Good Friday, I wrote the following poem:

cross and candles

paper and pen

sin and shame

poured out in ink

at the place

where grace was

poured out in blood

confessing, lamenting

in my own Gethsemane

tears and forgiveness

flow together

flame touches fear

brokenness burns

each ember dies

ashes

what remains as I rise

hope

freedom

gratitude

joy

and Your deep, deep abiding love

It's humbling to read those words now. I remember exactly what I was dealing with at the time. While I may be older and wiser, I find myself wrestling with the same things. 

Tomorrow night at a Good Friday vigil, I'll write my sins and sorrows on some red paper and nail them to a cross. Then at midnight on Saturday, just before it turns to Sunday, all of the papers will be taken off the cross and burned...in the same pot I burned my own papers two years ago in a private ceremony.

Sometimes I wonder how many papers I'm going to need to burn before I stop wrestling.

"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." -- Lamentations 3:19-23

Lead Me

Moving toward Friday with a heavy heart, but also glimmers of hope.

This song rose up in my soul this morning.

Lead Me to the Cross
Savior I come
Quiet my soul
Remember
Redemption's hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as loss

Lead me to the Cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
O lead me
Lead me to the Cross

You were as I
Tempted and tried
Human
The Word became flesh
For my sin and death
Now You're risen
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as loss

Lead me to the Cross

Where Your love poured out

Bring me to my knees

Lord I lay me down

Rid me of myself

I belong to You

O lead me

Lead me to Your heart