It's been a bad month.
I had started taking care of my health -- physical, spiritual and mental -- and it all seemed to vaporize. I was finding it hard to even leave the house. Here I was in this lovely town about which I had waxed so poetic on this blog, and I would go days without going outside, spending time in my chair, watching DVDs and eating poorly. Why? What happened to my "resolve" to eat right, take walks, breathe deeply, soak up the sun, spend time with Jesus and read the Bible (aka soaking up the Son)...where did it all go?
Today a verse came to mind that illuminated things for me:
I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed...
That's from Lamentations, chapter 3. It hit me today that I have been in a perpetual state of lament which has been consuming me. And while I am a huge believer in lamenting, it is clearly not what is to consume us. I have allowed many emotions to consume my heart and soul and they have crowded out the truth that I know...the truth that is the bedrock of my life: I am the beloved of God. No matter what is going on, no matter how deep the pain, His love goes deeper. Somewhere along the way, I allowed other things to rule and reign in me. I was consumed.
Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy.
How easily my soul can get entangled by other things instead of staying open to receive the deep, high, long and wide love of God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How easily I can take for granted that the Creator of the Universe loves me with a love so great that He would sacrifice His only Son FOR ME. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How easily I can shrug that off and focus on my pain and struggle to the point of not taking care of myself, or even caring about caring. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy.
The verse in Lamentations continues this way: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”
It truly is His kindness that leads to repentance. I do not want to be consumed by anything but Him.
So these are my marching orders -- Feel the feelings, but do not allow them to consume me. Get out of the chair. Take a walk. Eat some veggies. Breathe in the air. Go to the cross. Worship. Even if I feel lousy. Even if all I want to do is cry. Do not allow pain to stop me from maintaining some semblance of health.
And most of all, take time to soak in God's goodness, faithfulness and love.
Yes, yes, yes.
I always love reading your heart (Your thoughts)no matter what they say. I love this about you dear friend. You give me hope too. I so agree with you on this. I was listening to Beth Moore the other day and she was speaking of Gods love for us. She said don't ever feel like where is God...doesn't he love me? (I know you know Gods love.) She said that we love because he loved us first.
ReplyDeleteAs walking believers we know this but at times forget the depth of it. She said instead of saying God I love you say I love you too. Because he is already saying he loves us in so many ways. So say I love you too. Because he always loves us first.
I'm not doing it justice as she is such a gifted teacher but......it made me think. I'm so thankful for your blog as even in the depths you are also helping me with my depths. We have such a precious gift in the love of our Father don't we? I love you Nina!!! You are always in my heart and in my prayers. Thank you for being so vulnerable!!!
I am weeping :) I remember a Youth Pastor at our Vineyard in L.A. sharing with Amina about the loss of their first baby. He was a Worship Leader at the time and was wracked with grief. The Lord showed him that, in Hebrew, the Israelites had a special word for worship in the midst of pain. That stuck with me and was a comfort because it meant that, throughout our human walk with God, it has been acknowledged that worship is an anchor in the storms of our lives. And it is, as you say so beautifully, "... no matter how deep the pain, His love goes deeper." We are the object of His great love and He is the object of our full hearted worship.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing these encouraging words.
<3 Jenny