"One of the hardest things in life is to let go of old hurts. We often say, or at least think: 'What you did to me and my family, my ancestors, or my friends I cannot forget or forgive. ... One day you will have to pay for it.' Sometimes our memories are decades, even centuries, old and keep asking for revenge. Holding people's faults against them often creates an impenetrable wall. But listen to Paul: 'For anyone who is in Christ, there is a new creation: the old order is gone and a new being is there to see. It is all God's work' (2 Corinthians 5:17-18). Indeed, we cannot let go of old hurts, but God can. Paul says: 'God was in Christ reconciling the world to himself, not holding anyone's fault against them' (2 Corinthians 5:19). It is God's work, but we are God's ministers, because the God who reconciled the world to God entrusted to us 'the message of reconciliation' (2 Corinthians 5:19). This message calls us to let go of old hurts in the Name of God. It is the message our world most needs to hear."
-Henri Nouwen
This quote from Nouwen was in my email box this morning and I've read it several times. I can't think of a more perfect thought to fill my mind and heart as I close out a year and enter a new one. So many of us, myself included, make resolutions or a list of goals for the new year -- lose weight, start exercising; less TV, more fiber -- but how many of us make deeper goals for the new year? Sure, I might add "read the Bible more " to the list, but that's still only scratching the surface.
What if we (and when I say "we" I'm honestly including myself!) were to sit for a moment and ponder the deeper goal of reconciliation? What broken relationships are in our lives that need mending? What offenses do we need to let go of? And not in the "shrug it off" kind of way, but really pouring out the pain at the Lord's feet and then leaving it there? Is there someone we need to write to or call to begin the process of healing? What if we're convinced that it was all THEIR fault? Will we keep digging in our heels, or can we extract ourselves from the cement of stubbornness (which is so often rooted in pride and fear, right?) and reach out across the miles, or across the dinner table, and open the door to new communication?
This all hits very close to home for me. As many of you know, my parents and I suffered a severe rift six years ago, and I have not heard from them since. I've reached out a few times, but to no avail. My attitude over the past few years has been one of resignation, "Oh well, I tried." But God's not letting me off the hook; a New Year's card is sitting on the coffee table, addressed to my parents, ready for a stamp. I've been putting it off, but I know I need to send it. Today. With no expectations, but with faith in the Reconciler...that He knows the pain on both sides and He longs for healing in my family even more than I do.
To be brutally honest, though, sometimes I don't actually want to be reconciled. Aye, there's the rub. It's an ugly truth. I'd rather deal with the twinges of pain on birthdays and holidays than deal with the struggle to maintain relationships with "difficult people." I'd rather settle for an easy peace than the harder work of building bridges. Sloth at it's best...or worst. Lord, have mercy on me.
It struck me just now how the Father's heart must ache when relationships break. I know how my heart breaks when my sons fight or wound each other; I can only imagine how God must feel when His children hurt each other and discard one another, and even moreso when it happens within the church. John 13:35 says the world will know we are Jesus' disciples by our love for one another, so why isn't our first mission to clean up our relationships with each other? All the "good deeds" we do are kind of meaningless if we're holding resentment and bitterness toward a Brother or Sister. And I don't think the Lord lets us off the hook if the rift is with someone who's not a believer. (Case in point, my parents aren't Christians.) Ultimately, this is about our relationship with God, and following His commands to forgive and to be at peace with all people. We can't control what other people do and how they respond, of course, but shouldn't it be OUR job, as Christ's ambassadors, to make the first move? What's stopping us?
Talk about an upward/outward/inward process...upward to God by asking Him to show me my heart and confessing, repenting, and receiving His forgiveness; outward to others by reaching out and beginning the process of reconciliation; inward to myself to take a serious look at why this is so hard for me, what my fears are, and oh yeah, maybe what part *I* played in the breakdown of the relationships that are broken. And then back to God to confess...and back to others to bring things into the light...ah, the circle of life.
I hope you will join me in this journey to make 2012 the Year of Reconciliation. Let's mend past hurts and commit to keeping short accounts about future ones. Let's try to apologize more quickly and forgive more easily. Let's be intentional about processing the deep pain that has ahold of our hearts so that we can move forward on this upward/outward/inward journey of life. I would love to pray with and for anyone who needs help in this area. We need each other!
Time to put a stamp on the envelope and put that card in the mail.
Happy New Year, everyone.
