Over the River and through the Woods...

...to Grandmother's house we go! Well, to my kids' grandmother, anyway.

Aside from Jake, who is in Australia, the rest of us will be crisscrossing our way through California and Arizona. Not sure there have ever been these many logistics in our family for one holiday:

-- Caleb and Jessica left this morning to drive to So. Cal. They're having a separate time with Grandma and Grandpa due to Caleb needing to be back here Weds. night for work.

-- Tomorrow night I will get on Amtrak a bit before 11:30, and with the help of Ambien, sleep my way to southern California. My parents-in-law will pick me up at the train station Weds. morning and the plan is to breakfast together, hopefully with Caleb and Jessica before they drive back to AZ!

-- Glenn will be taking Amtrak from No. Cal. to So. Cal. and will arrive late at night on Wednesday.

-- After Thanksgiving, Glenn and I will Amtrak (is that even a verb?) together from So. to No. and I'll stay up there for a week until I fly back to AZ.

I'm just glad we don't have to travel by horse-drawn sleigh through snow to make all of this happen. But I still find myself humming the song as I do laundry and prepare for the trip.

:)

Time for Another Recipe

I said at the beginning that this blog wasn't always going to be serious and introspective...time to make good on that promise.

Here's what I made for dinner tonight. It's cheap and easy and really yummy. It's also meatless, for you vegetarians out there. Cottage cheese is the protein. Use Dreamfields pasta for lower carbs and higher protein, too. This tastes richer than you'd think it would.

Enjoy!

From More with Less:

Cottage Cheese Casserole

Saute' in a large skillet:
2 T. butter (I used extra virgin olive oil and a smidge of butter)
1/2 c. chopped mushrooms
1/2 c. chopped onion
1/2 c. chopped celery
1 clove garlic, minced (I used 2)

Stir in:
1/4t marjoram, crushed (I used about 1/2t Italian seasoning...next time will use a full teaspoon)
4 1/2 c. water
6 oz. tomato paste
4 c. elbow macaroni (I used Dreamfields rotini)
2 t. salt
1 t. sugar
Simmer uncovered until macaroni is tender, about 25 minutes (Be sure to stir it occasionally. Also note that Dreamfields pasta cooks faster.)

Mix together:
1/4 c. parsley, chopped
2 c. cottage cheese
1/3 c. grated Parmesan cheese + more for the top

Heat oven to 350. Put half of the pasta mixture in a greased 2 qt. casserole dish. Top with cottage cheese mixture. Cover with remaining pasta mixture. Sprinkle with as much freshly grated Parmesan as you want. Bake at 350* for 35-40 min.

Pressing on with a Limp

I am having to learn -- AGAIN -- that the cost of staying silent for too long is far greater than the cost of speaking up in the moment. I have let fear rule me so much of my life. I quake in my boots when needing to speak up and then so much of the time I don't speak at all, or speak only half of what needs to be said and then it doesn't make sense, or isn't heard. OR... I'll erupt after holding things in for too long. All of the above just causes more pain in the long run. *sigh*

I have had to confess pride because I'm surprised at how unhealed I still am...how much my childhood wounds still affect me...how easily I get gripped with fear and want to flee. I am grateful to have found a few kindred souls who are on the same journey of healing; most people don't understand the terror I feel inside. I know I often come across as a confident, strong woman, but in some arenas I am still a scared little girl.

I don't want to be emotionally crippled anymore. This has been the cry of my heart for the last 17 years, and while there has been some progress, I am a long way from being where I want to be.

Sometimes I wonder if this will be the "thorn in my flesh" until Heaven. I don't know. I do know I'm growing, thanks be to God, but I still walk with a very big limp in this area.

What comes to mind as I process these things is this:

"I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead.

I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us." -- Phillipians 3:10-14

Amen and amen.

More of that Perfect Love, Please

This quote socked me between the eyes:

"Religion is almost entirely cultural conformity and fear based. But “perfect love casts out all fear" (1 John 4:18). If your motivation is still fear or shame based, then you are still building your container, which is necessary, but it does not demand any real love of God or neighbor yet. Most of us begin with creating the skeleton, but it takes years and usually some suffering to find the meat, muscle, and the real message of the Gospel. It is probably easiest to begin conservative, since liberals do not tend to respect the basic skeleton of faith or any limits to their seeming freedom. In the second half of life you might look a little more like a liberal, but the real difference is that you have been overtaken by love and let go of fear. That is the meat, the muscle, and the message." --Richard Rohr

I am so tired of my fear. My left brain "knows" that I am completely loved and accepted by the Creator of the Universe who is also my Abba Father, but my right brain still has so many wounds that I respond out of fear far too often. Lord heal me. Heal us all.

Just Do It

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue."

-- Proverbs 18:21 (KJV)

I wasn't expecting much from today...it's just a plain-ol' Tuesday, after all. I was in the midst of the sprint to the finish line of my job -- Friday's my last day! -- when a friend called and spoke the most beautiful words of encouragement to me. I had to close my office door and weep.

Encouragement in the midst of discouragement.

Heartening in the midst of disheartening.

Words of life...what a gift.

Let's all find someone to encourage today. Write a note. Make a call. Send a text. Everyone needs to know they are thought of, appreciated and loved.

"Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose."

-- Proverbs 18:21 (The Message)

And How Are You?

since when did it become a 'should'

to tell someone "oh, it's all good"

when asked how I feel today

(is it not okay to be not okay?)

if, instead, I were to say

"dismissed, disregarded

like junk mail discarded"

what would the reaction be

to that level of honesty?

"I will be glad and rejoice in Your unfailing love for You have seen my troubles, and You care about the anguish of my soul." -- Psalm 31:7

Sliding Ninas?

"In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:6)

I stayed home tonight.

It never ceases to amaze me how one small choice can be so impactful. Sometimes I wish the "what ifs" of my life were being filmed so I could see where different choices would lead...à la "Sliding Frasiers." (Yes, there really was an episode based on the movie "Sliding Doors.")

If I had decided to go out tonight, I would have missed two very meaningful conversations with women who "bracket" my adult life -- my best girlfriend from college whom I met about 30 years ago, and a more recent "nearest and dearest" whom I met about 3 years ago. Interestingly, both of these women have seen me at my worst, albeit at different times and in different contexts. What a blessing to have those two seasons of life converge in one evening.

My "older" friend and I never intentionally parted ways; life intervened and our paths diverged, though the love never waned. Tonight was a reconnection of unexpected depth and excitement that we'll soon be living in the same area and have the chance to rebuild our friendship in this season of life -- as wives and mothers who have experienced some tough times on the journey and become stronger and healthier for it. My newer friend has recently moved away, but I'm moving away, too, so it's not going to matter; with cell phones and Facebook, we are sure to stay in touch; at least that's our hope and prayer. Hard to imagine not being as close as we are now. However, life could intervene and our paths might diverge and we might find ourselves reconnecting as eighty-year-old women!

If I hadn't stayed home, I wouldn't have the delight of pondering all of this. Of course it's entirely possible that something else equally delightful would have happened.

But I'll never know.