Gone but Never Forgotten

Lately I've been really missing my friend, George. He died of AIDS nearly 13 years ago, and not a week goes by that I don't quote him, or laugh at a memory of something witty/snarky/funny he said. His voice often rings in my ears at just the right time. He had a way of cutting through the BS of life and getting to the heart of things...and no one could make me laugh as quickly or as hard.

He had such a big impact on my life; whenever I start to wonder if I had any kind of impact on him, I hear him snark, "Don't flatter yourself, Honey."

And all I can do is laugh.

Thundering in My Ears

I have had a very tough day physically...a pretty bad fibro attack along with the heart palpitations and hot flashes that come with being an almost-49-year-old female. Most of the day, it was physical pain and discomfort which seemed to thunder in my ears, heart, and soul.

Just a little while ago, a song broke through which is now thundering louder than anything else. I want to post it here because the truth of these lyrics is so rich...and it is my prayer that this truth would thunder more loudly than any pain -- physical or emotional -- that I might be feeling. And not just left-brain truth as knowledge but the right-brain truth of *experiencing* His amazing power, strength, and love in my life. Make it so, Lord.

In Christ Alone
Stuart Townend, Keith Getty

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fulness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

July 4

red, white and blue
the colors of our flag
'tis true

Australia
France
Great Britain
Iceland
New Zealand
and Norway
(to name a few)
all have flags
of those three hues

we are but one of many
start sharing, America

Happy Birthday

Tonight's Prayer Time in a Nutshell

arms outstretched
He beckons

I take His hand
and the adventure begins

following His lead
I choose to trust
to look ahead
and to never look back

and in the choosing
I find freedom
and peace
and love

Love the Skin You're In

Have you ever wished you could jump inside another person's skin, to be able to see with their eyes, hear with their ears, have their memories and then finally understand why they think what they think, feel what they feel and do what they do?

Have you also wished someone could jump inside your own skin for a few minutes so that you would know, at least for awhile, that you were finally understood?

These things are yet another part of "the magic that is me" -- the longing to be known and understood...and the longing to know and understand others...far beyond the surface of what is presented.

A good friend once wrote,"Our skin hides the truth." We can never know what's really going on inside of someone. An action that might mean something to you might mean something completely different to someone else. It's so easy to look at another's life and wrap it all up in a neat box of our own interpretation. We have it all decided, don't we? And then we treat that person accordingly, without a moment's thought that perhaps our interpretation of things might be DEAD WRONG.

One of my biggest pet peeves in life is when someone takes a little information they might have about me, interpolates it their own way and then presents it to me as truth. As if they know me. As if they get what's going on inside me. As if they have figured out all of my heart's motivations. Usually they are way off base. Trying to connect the dots of someone's life without asking what's going on inside is usually a recipe for disaster, or at least a lot of untruth. (Believe me, I've had more than my share of this over the past year.)

And in those moments, I'd love to have a skin exchange, where I could jump behind their eyes to see what they see, and they could jump behind mine to see what I see. Then maybe things would be different.

But this can't literally happen. So depending on the situation and my frame of mind (and/or hormonal state), I might say very little and go on my way, trying not to carry the judgment with me or at least not allow it to seep into my soul. Or I might take a chance and try to use this finite language of ours to explain the infinite complexities of the mind, heart, and soul...to try to express what's really going inside, at the risk of making things worse by compounding the misunderstandings. See, when I say something, there are actually 3 things being said -- 1) what I really said, 2) what I think I said, and 3) what they think I said. No wonder we have wars and conflicts and relational blow-outs. It's a miracle any 2 people can have any kind of understanding at all.

But is it worth trying? I believe so... at least with a few people you trust; those who would love nothing more than to have a skin exchange, but can't, so they will hang in there with the words until what they think you said and what you think you said meet in that magical moment of YES, that's what you really said! And when it's *really* good, there might come an even more magical moment of recognition when they say, "Me, too!" (I believe this is how friendships are born..a weaving of those "'me too' moments.") And I highly recommend doing this with voice and NOT over email. *shudder* (Talk about a recipe for misinterpretation!)

I guess my point in all of this is to ask humanity -- and let it begin with me! -- to not be so quick to decide we have someone else all figured out. To not draw conclusions based on a few dots we have connected, when in fact we have probably missed some of the major dots which help create the true picture. Coming alongside someone and asking what's going on rather than telling someone what's going on goes a long way to building bridges of compassion and understanding.

In the meantime, I'm going to keep trying to love the skin I'm in (with or without Olay, thank you very much) and work harder to understand what's going on beneath me (the inward journey!) before I start trying to get inside anyone else's skin, or expect them to try to get into mine.

But I can't deny the longing is still there.

The Perfect Baked Potato

Set oven to 350

Scrub spuds (sans soap)

Pierce each with fork 6-8 times

Rub with olive oil

Sprinkle liberally with kosher salt

Bake on oven rack for 1 hour

Slit each spud with a knife

Push in at the ends

Poof! Potato perfection

If only everything in life were this simple

So Much to Say...

...and no time to say it; doesn't make for a very interesting blog.

And much of what I want to say I can't really share with the entire universe. So I hold it close and ponder it all in my heart, à la Mary after she heard the news about her baby from the angel Gabriel.

Of course, what has gone on in my life will in no way impact the planet like Mary's life did...but my life (and that of those closest to me) has changed dramatically over this past year. I will never be the same. My family will never be the same. I believe this is a good thing, and I am trusting it will be an even better thing in the long run. We'll look back and stand in awe of the miracles God has done in our hearts and in our relationships.

For now, I feel I am entering a crucible; the heat is on, and it's going to take time for the dross to rise to the surface so it can be skimmed off, leaving a refined and purified heart, shining like gold for the Lord. That's certainly my prayer, anyway. (Not the time part...but the end result!)

I know it's not going to be easy. I have recently become aware of some large blind spots in my life...aware of how unaware I have been. I have always thought of myself as a very self-aware person...apparently not! This in and of itself has been incredibly humbling...to realize there are things about myself and how I relate to others to which I have been completely oblivious. Lord, have mercy on me, sinner that I am. I have asked Him daily to have His way and to break me and He is answering that prayer!!

So I enter the crucible with a bit of a limp, having no idea what lies ahead and knowing even more than before that I know very little.

Not a bad place to be, actually.